Tips for dealing with child bullying

By Dr. William L. Scott

 

Question from Parent: My child comes home everyday in tears and tells me she has been bullied. I want to help but I don’t know what to do. How much should I get involved and how much should I let my kid work it out on her own?

 

Answer from Behavioral Bill:

 

The problem of bullying seems to get more pervasive as time goes by. National statistics show one out of every four children in our country is being bullied by other kids at school. What responsibility should parents take on to help their child when the kid finds themselves the target of another kid’s verbal cruelty or physical aggression? It’s a good question.

 

Bullying is really just another form of abuse. Anytime one person exerts power over another to control them it is abusive.  Adults can be bullied too. In this case it is about kids using power to control other kids, sometimes with the intention to cause harm.

Bullying is no joke. Bullying hurts feelings and humiliates the victim. Usually the controlling behavior is repeated by a single individual or a group.  Social media and cell phone texting make it possible for bullies to reach their victim 24/7.  The affects can be pervasive and last for a lifetime. Parents must take bullying seriously.

Almost all parents can remember being bullied but the difference is that with the new technology bullies can get to your kid anytime. That is what makes bullying more serious today than back in our day. I remember how much it hurt then too.

Some states, including Florida, have pasted laws to protect children from bullies. That is an indication of how serious and long lasting the affects of bullying can be for the kid.

Many kids will not tell a parent that they’re being bullied. A child might feel ashamed or worried that they are to blame somehow, and they become experts at keeping it all inside. Here are five signs you need to be aware of as the parent?

•                Fear about going to school or to getting on the computer.

•                Mood changes after receiving a text or signing into Facebook and other social media.

•                Refusal to board the school bus and begging you for rides to school.

•                Often wants to stay home from school for health reasons.

•                Injuries or bruises you cannot account for.

 

What can or should parents do if bullies are victimizing their child? First, you need to listen to your child. You should take her seriously. Stay calm but empathize. Reassure her that bullying is wrong in whatever shape it takes. Support their right to take steps to stop the unwanted and undeserved behavior. Assure her you will support her and that you will assist her in getting her help with the problem. Here are some good guidelines for parents to follow when dealing with this difficult situation:

 

•                Don’t over personalize the situation: Stay calm and keep in our role as parent.

 

•                Don’t take over the solution: You will want to fix everything but that will leave your child feeling powerless.

 

•                Don’t minimize the situation: Take the situation seriously and know she needs an advocate that is more powerful than the bully. Talk to them about the situation and let them know you understand and that you are here to help.

 

•                Don’t blame your child for what is happening: Don’t ask her what she is doing to create the situation. Instead, explain to her that his is not her fault.

 

Problem solve with your child to correct the situation by empowering her through strategies.

 

•                Teach her not to react fearfully. Bullies want a reaction with which they can humiliate the victim. Take the reaction reward away from them.

 

•                Develop preplanned responses: Teach her to say something short, simple and neutral like; “stop” or “cut it out” or “that’s enough.” Above all teach her not to allow the bully to pull them into a verbal or physical fight. Teach her to walk away preferably into a safe area like a school office or teacher occupied classroom.

 

•                Ignore the Bully: Teach her to pretend she does not hear the bully’s remarks and therefore does not to react to them. Walk away without comment or reaction.

 

•                Use the buddy system: This is the strength in numbers idea. Tell her to get a friend to be allied with her and against the bully. They should both follow these guidelines.

 

•                Teach her to talk to an adult: Schools are full of helpful people. She should find a safe and empathic person to talk with. A teacher, school administrator or guidance counselor are good choices.

 

•                Step in: Step in only when things have escalated to the point that these strategies are not working and when not stepping in will make the situation worse. Your child needs to know that you are more powerful than the people causing her misery.

 

 

A terrific resource and a place where many or these ideas originated can be found at:http://www.empoweringparents.com/

 

William L. Scott & Associates, Inc., Psychotherapy and Consulting Services, is located at 2905 Corinthian Avenue, Suite 5.

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