Love isn’t just for lovers
How to share the spirit of Valentine’s Day with anyone
Valentine’s Day is a lovely idea and all, but you don’t need a holiday—or even a reason—to show someone love.
Nor do you need to be “in love” with them to express your appreciation for who they are, what they do or how they affect your life. As a matter of fact, you don’t need even to know a person to demonstrate kindness.
Depending on whom you ask (translation: which website you visit), the Ancient Greeks had up to 12 words for love, not synonyms, mind you, but specific words to convey the different types of love. “Eros,” for example, referred to romantic or sexual love, the kind that makes Valentine’s Day a $22 billion industry. (Sorry to break it to you, lovebirds, but it’s corporate America that made Feb. 14 the official day to shower your significant other with sappy greeting cards, overpriced flowers and Valentine-themed Skittles and M&Ms, not Socrates.)
So in the spirit of the ancient Greeks, we challenge you to think outside the heart-shaped box this Valentine’s Day by spreading love, kindness and appreciation far beyond your significant other. The good news is you don’t have to leave the neighborhood to do it.
Philia (pronounced FEE-le-ah): friendship, brotherly love, platonic love.
No disrespect to Eros, but romantic love isn’t what sustains most adults. A 2021 study by the Pew Research Center found only 4% of respondents worldwide said they found meaning or fulfillment in their lives through romantic relationships, compared with 20% who cited friends and community as sources.
There are a variety of reasons why this is true, according to Psychology Today, but Valentine’s Day is probably not the best time to get into all that. Suffice it to say, the love we experience from close friendships should not be underestimated or go unrecognized.
When choosing a gift for a friend, look for something that reminds you of them: some silly socks with donuts or unicorns on them or a colorful kitchen towel with a sassy message like “Your opinion is not part of the recipe”; a book about a subject they’re interested in; a vintage postcard or album you found while antiquing; a six-pack of a new craft beer, especially if it’s from a local brewery; or a succulent in a cute container because your friend loves plants but can’t keep them alive.
For those obsessed with their pet, get that fur baby (feathered friend, cold-blooded companion, etc.) a present, like some fancy dog cookies, catnip toy, calming CBD chews or whatever is an appropriate gift for a chicken or snake. (FUN FACT: Americans spent more than $2 billion on Valentine’s Day gifts for their pets last year…in the middle of a pandemic!)
Gift cards are always an option, but for a true friend, you might want to invest a little more time than you would for a Secret Santa exchange. If money is an issue, however spending quality time with a friend over coffee or hosting a movie night is a thoughtful option and, depending on the friend, much preferred over a pair
of socks.
Storge (prounced STOR-ghee): familial or familiar love, love of belonging or affection.
Storge primarily involves relatives, especially parents and children, as well as siblings, and is fueled by instinctual affection. Unlike philia, storge doesn’t require you to even like the person to feel storge. (Who doesn’t have a family member they adore and would do anything for but don’t actually like them as a person? IYKNK.) As the saying goes, blood is thicker than water, and unconditional love is, well, unconditional.
To celebrate these people in your life, go with something sentimental. Find a photo from a memorable time together and put it in a nice frame. And please make sure it’s a flattering picture of both of you. Or send a handwritten note (you remember how to mail something, don’t you?) just to let them know you’re thinking of them, maybe mention something you appreciate about them. Parents and grandparents eat this stuff up.
Agape (prounced: ah-GAH-pay): love for everyone, benevolence, the highest love.
For folks you care about but don’t fit into the previous categories, don’t be shy about telling them how much you appreciate them and what they do.
Show your favorite barista, bartender or hair stylist some love in the form of a bigger tip than you usually leave. You don’t have to let the money do the talking, of course. Simply being polite—look them in the eyes, ask how they are doing and for Cupid’s sake, could you be patient and not personally blame them for things beyond their control, like, say, being short staffed or not having something because it’s on back order? You’d be surprised how far a little kindness goes in the service industry, especially these days.
Small businesses you patronize are also in need of some thoughtful attention. Just by shopping locally, you are already showing love. Thanking the owner and staff personally is always nice, but try spreading your appreciation virtually too. Take a few minutes to review the business on Google or Yelp or share your positive experiences in a social media post. You don’t have to be a restaurant critic or “influencer” to have your opinion be heard and help generate new customers for a local business. If there are employees who stand out, make sure to mention them by name,
as well.
Since we’re talking about love for everyone, go ahead sprinkle some kindness on someone you don’t even know. Compliment a stranger on their glasses or scarf or even their handwriting. Just don’t be creepy about it. (On a personal note, I will never grow tired of hearing someone say, “I love your hair!”) Wave to a stranger pulling out of a parking space. Say hello to a passerby. There’s always the random act of kindness too like paying for a stranger’s order at your favorite coffee shop. (PRO TIP: Find out the total from the barista before you offer.) Make a donation to a local non-profit. Donate blood.
If you’re really feeling the Valentine vibes, let a car merge on the Fuller Warren instead of speeding up and pretending you didn’t
see them.
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